Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe.
We used to argue about how to say it. Now we make milk out of it. What a world ey?
I’m not really sure what to make of it. Is it really milk? And how did we get here? I mean we start off life drinking human milk, we’ve done that for ages. How we got onto drinking cows milk i’m not sure I want to know. It’s sort of like the weird ‘accidental discoveries’ of science, but instead of leaving a petri dish to go mouldy someone wanked off a cow.
There’s a bigger question than how to pronounce potato (po-tay-to) - what is milk? How do we define milk? Surely it has to be liquid - but then if thats the definition, explain soup. Is soup milk? Or is milk a soup? Or is soup still a food somehow? I never understood that one. I mean we treat it like food and it (sort of) fills you up, but it is just hot liquid at the end of the day. But then what about Gazpacho (Gaz-pach-o), it’s cold! Maybe it’s that soup is just crushed food? Tomato (tom-ah-toe) soup is crushed tomatoes so that would make sense - but then what about this potato (po-tay-to) milk then? Is it a soup? Is soup even a food? What a fiasco (fi-as-co).
What’s worse is when these alternatives are framed as somehow being healthier. We’ve survived for years on the teet of daisy the cow, enjoying the benefits and living healthy lives with relative low levels of obesity. Yet in the new age of ‘health’ we are being forced to wrap our mouths and suck from the almond/oat/potato nipple. Yes a potato is a vegetable - but that doesn't mean potato milk is healthy (or one of your 5 a day for that matter). If you took a stick of celery and infused it with 20g of raw columbian cocaine, i’m not sure you’d still consider that a ‘healthy low cal snack to stave off the post lunch hunger’ (although it would do the trick). Potato milk isn't quite on the same level, but think how much you need to add to turn a potato into something to douse your Frosties in. Given the amount of emulsifiers and laboratory gunk added in (not to mention oodles of sunflower oil), I might just opt for the celery.
Of course the argument always comes back to the planet. Yes making potato milk produces less carbon than regular milk. Ridding the world of half its population would also work, but I didn’t see any would-be-Thanoses suggesting that one at Cop 26. It seems odd that the everyday person must suck up the cost of global warming rather than you know, the people actually polluting the world. Don't mind me drinking my lovely glass of lab created potato-adjacent gloop, whilst enjoying the Winter Olympics live from a post-apocalyptic Chinese hellhole.
Potato milk. Potato milk. Listen to it. It sounds ridiculous. Those words should only go together on a shopping list, not a product label. No matter how you pronounce it, it’s wrong.
Do you know where someone could purchase the aforementioned celery? Asking for a friend, of course (and I'm definitely not a cop)
Almond don’t have teats. Nor do oats, nor potatoes. Milk must be milked to be milk. Call me a philistine but this is where I stand on the issue.