I figured something out today. Limos aren’t cool anymore, and the people inside them? Definitely not famous.
Here’s why: things that are cool and status signals continue to be, as long as only rich people can access them. If, eventually, these things open up access to the common man, they become un-cool. Once the common man accesses them, they are no longer status signals, and the rich move on. The whole point of a status signal is that others can infer something about your wealth or position from it. Once anyone can have it, it loses that power.
The limousine, once seen as the height of decadence and opulence, has since lost its perch as the horse drawn carriage of the modern day rich and famous. The sight of a limo arriving would, once upon a time, spur excitment at the prospect of who was inside. They must be famous! They can afford the big silly long car!
Nowadays, a limo sighting is met with a roll of the eyes, and the wondering of which of the local tweens was turning 12 this week. (You can usually tell, as at least one of them will have their head out of the window screaming). They have officially reached the common man. Once spotted exclusively at swanky doos and movie premiers, the humble limo is now more likely found awkwardly abreast of three parking spaces outside the local Nando’s.
The rich and famous have changed tack, rather than a hard-to-miss limo to carry them around; they instead opt for the hard-to-spot black Range Rover. The new movement for the rich, famous or otherwise prominent, is to be invisible in person, yet unmissable online. They dare not to be spotted by a human eyeball, which would only ruin the insta-illusion of their lives. There are no preset filters in real life, so it’s best to stay hidden.
I’ll be honest - there are other pros about swapping a white cargo-ship-but-with-wheels for something else. If you were late, (and not the ‘fashionable’ kind - whatever that is) and you needed to get there stat, an eight tonne, 30ft limo probably isn’t getting it done. The modern Range Rover, equipped with an engine powerful and hungry enough to reduce Greta Thunberg to tears, would certainly get you there more promptly. (Also have you ever seen a limo do a three point turn?).
The other downside of the limo is more of a user experience problem - not the kind of thing easily spotted in the manual. The theory of a limo is great, lots of big plush comfy seats. But the reality of the situation is you now have 12 seats and only one arse. Suddenly travelling in your limo means suffering the inane chat of anyone and everyone who is personally or professionally adjacent to you. No peace and quiet to be found in a limo overrun by assistant-to-the-managers and second-cousins who’s names you barely remember.
Don’t forget about the poor drivers either. During the limo era they had every professional drivers dream - the privacy screen. This magical invention enables the driver to no longer suffer to the posh drivel being espoused in the back - whilst still seeming polite. This offered them a welcome break from hearing how annoying it is Sotheby’s sent their new Hopper piece to the wrong house - again. Now they are unwittingly subject to every phone call to the nanny, every screaming match with their intolerable partner, and every drunken breakdown/backseat party at the end of the night.
So the limo is dead. The common man claimed it for his own, and now the rich have abandoned it. Before long they’ll die out completely (if the rich stop, the common man will follow). But to any rich people reading, while you still can, hire one next time you’re going caviar tasting or to some other money burning activity.
After all, if you don’t want to be seen (or even be seen to be rich) - what better cover than a limo?